I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
where are my eyebrows?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
