Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
