forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish I only lived at night.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
