Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
