we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
