Porn is love you can see.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
