I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
