I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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