I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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