4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
