Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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