my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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