after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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