So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The uberlube is also flammable
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
