He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
