Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
is it fun? or sober?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
