Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
