He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
