Acid is not a monday night drug
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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