Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
