where am i from again
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
