i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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