nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
