Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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