Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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