im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
