my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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