I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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