I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
