OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
