I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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