And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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