if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There r osticjed everywhere
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
