my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
