Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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