things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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