thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
