Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I will be naked everywhere
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
