watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
