I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
