sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
