I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
