Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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