I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
