my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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