I faked an abortion last night.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
