I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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