you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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