I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
