i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
