Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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