we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
