get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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