3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
