worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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