I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
the liver wants what the liver wants
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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