trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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