First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize