does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
