Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just had sex bonerless
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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