I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
