I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
