If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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