she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
